I love Lee Pace!  I watched a few videos of him last night, and then I got to watching more Kristin Chenoweth videos, and I ended up staying up till around 4 a.m. just watching her 6-episode sitcom she had on NBC in 2001.  It got canceled, so it only lasted 6 episodes, but I thought it was super cute and funny! :(  Now I'll never know if they'll end up together!!

But, I only had one class today, so that's always good!  I went to breakfast, then to math, then back to my room where I looked at some used cars and then did a Psych quiz(got a 100) and then, around 11, I went to bed.  I slept till 5 p.m.  So I'm so far away from being tired, it's kinda crazy.  But I'll probably just do my psych homework tonight and then watch more Hana Yori Dango!   I love Jun-chan!! <3

It's only Monday, but my mind is set on Friday.  Ben and Rose are picking me up at around Noon to take me home, and then Saturday, Ben has a softball thing, so it should be fun. 

Finals are two weeks away, so I need to get crack-a-lackin' on them really soon.  Especially Pre-Calc.  I really need to get at least a B in that stupid class.  I can't wait till summer, and my one little on-line class and my summer job(wherever that may be).  I just can't wait to be out of my first year of college.  HOLY CRAP!  I've almost been in college for a whole year!  And I graduated high school almost a year ago....

THIS IS MIND BLOWING!!  Why didn't I pay attention to this earlier?  ...Oh well.

I'm excited about Fall '09's classes, because they're only on Tuesday/Thursday, so I can stay home for like 4 days!  :D  And I'll have a car and a better phone and just be happier, hopefully.

Well, gonna get ready to watch Castle.  Everyone should watch that show!!  It's so cute!

So, I got to hang out with Mr. Peter yesterday, and even though the last three weeks were full of uncertainty and pain and all that, the moment I knew he was on his way to my house, it was all gone.  I don't even have to tell him what's wrong with me.  He already just seems to know and already makes it disappear in that first hug.  I don't have to say anything and he doesn't have to either.

He's a calming factor in my life, and I'm very grateful to him.  When he was leaving, we both held on to that last hug for a few seconds longer, not really knowing when we would meet again.  But we know it will be sooner than we think.  We made plans to go to a wrestling show in Royston next Friday, so that should be fun.  I can just let him know my problems in that first "Hey!" and he wipes them away with that greeting hug.

I went to Rose and Ben's new trailer in Commerce last night, too.  It's pretty nice, and only about a 35 minute drive from the house.  It's pretty easy to get to and the house is nice.  A few door problems, but other than that, good.  Rose cooked Spaghetti for us and we watched Trivial Pursuit on the TV.  They don't have a bed yet, but they have a guest bed, lol, so I slept there while they slept on an air mattress in the Living room.   Me and Ben attempted to finish Resident Evil 5 last night, but we were both so tired, that we only finished part of the chapter.  But, we'll keep at it and hopefully beat it soon! :D  

I had a lovely dream about Lee Pace!  He is sooo adorable!!!  (he's the star of Pushing Daisies, in case no one knew).  So, all in all, I had a good weekend at home, even though I was, and still am, sick.  But, that too is fading away.  I only have two more weeks of school then a week of finals, then SUMMER!  I get out April 25 till August 20.  So....pretty long break there.  :)

I'm very bad at following-through.  I tell myself, okay, homework time!  But then, 20 minutes later, I'm checking my Facebook and watching YouTube videos.  It's insane.
I tell myself that I need to do this, that, or the other, and I never do.  I don't go to work, cause I'm too tired, but I need the hours.  I don't go to class because he doesn't take role, but I still might miss something.  I don't do a lot of things, because I'm sleepy and just lazy.
I need to have more initiative and more drive/determination.
But, the only thing I'll get excited about is either going home or going out somewhere late with Christy to get food.  Lol.  Oh, and my Criminal Justice class; I get excited about that. :)

I dunno....I'm just finding a lot of faults with myself lately, and I don't really like most of them, lol.  I'll have to work on them sometime soon.

Well, I'm sick as hell, can't sleep(cause I can't breathe), and I have an important Calc quiz in about 6 hours. :(
Please, let me sleep!!!!

I feel like a villain today.
Even though none of this is my fault, I can't help but feel responsible.

I got a cold.  And today is Christy's birthday, and we were all supposed to go and get Quizno's together and have a blasty-blast, but I got sick.  I COULD'VE gone, but I would have felt like shit if any of them got sick because of me, so I let them go, germ free.  It's just a terrible time in my life to get a cold.
First of all, I hate it.  I maintain a snuffy nose for like 2 months after it's gone.  I hate blowing my nose, because it makes me want to vomit.
Secondly, I'm supposed to go to Ben and Rose's new house and spend the night with them there, but they just got over colds and they just moved in so I wouldn't want to get them sick right away, lol.
Thirdly, EXAMS ARE COMING UP.  I can't function with going to classes sick.  I hate the possibility that I could get others sick.  :(
Fourth, I have a quiz tomorrow morning, but I feel like shit, and I need to go to bed.

BARF!!!!
I hate this!!!

Well, I'm going to try and study without snotting too much on my life.
I hate colds, I hate math, I hate school.
ONLY 3 WEEKS LEFT!!!!
I'm so excited for summer!!!

P.S. Don't you hate it when your nose is running, but only one side??  But then, when you wake up, it's the OTHER side?!
I hate it so much.
I just want to cut out whatever makes mucus come outta my nose....

I don't know what to think about their responses.  April's made me super sad, and I know that Rose is telling the truth, but I already knew that.
I know they NEED to get out, but why can't I just say that I don't WANT it to happen?

None of them said what I needed/wanted them to say, and usually Sonny is so good at that.  But his response was kinda harsh.  "Don't be so selfish, it causes serious problems."
I can be selfish if I want to.  I'm not going to stop them from moving, but I can still voice my selfish opinions, thank you very much.  The only person it causes problems for right now is me.

He didn't say I want I needed to hear.  He's never failed me before.  Or..maybe I needed that, but just didn't want to accept it?
No, I'm right.  I can SAY that I don't want my brother to leave.  I can SAY whatever the hell I want.  Who is he to tell me not to??
If I'm sad and want to tell them that I know they need this, yet I don't want this, I can, bygod, and I will.

Who is he to tell me no?

I miss Peter more than I ever have in my life.  Even when we're together, though, we don't talk about all our problems.  But, just being near him seems to make life better.  It's so hard to describe.  He's kinda like my drug, but I can't afford it all the time, so I have to save up to get him.
Lol, terrible analogy.  But oh well.

Speaking of drugs, I watched Requiem For A Dream, and it's totally fucking with my brain.  If I even start thinking of it, I just wanna curl up and cry in a corner.  It's haunting me, pretty much.  It was very good, though....but definitely not one you should watch alone, which I did not, thankfully!

So...Ben and Rose are moving out Monday.  I wanted to go home this weekend to see them, but I couldn't.  I had to go hang out with my Aunt and Uncle who decide that now, after 15 years of no contact, to want to see me.  I went to see my Aunt perform some Celtic music stuff, but it was super awkward.  Luckily, my two friends Kelsey and Christy came with me, so it wasn't super duper bad.  Ben is moving to Commerce, which isn't too far.  But, I don't have a car, so I never have an easy way to get there, ya know.  Plus, summer is going to be hard/weird, since he won't be there.
For the past 19 years of my life, he's been there.
How am I supposed to handle this all of a sudden.  I thought he was moving out the next weekend, but then this kinda got sprang on me....
It's hard to take and I can't/don't want to handle it.

I realize I'm terribly terrible at keeping this thing updated.  But I've been swamped with all the homework in the world recently, and haven't really had a chance to convey my life into words recently.

Well, school is going okay.  I hate it here, but oh well.  I'm just going to get my requirements out of the way and then go to Kennesaw, or hell, maybe even UGA.  I went there to hang out with Peter, and their campus is AWESOME!  I might actually have to try and get in there.  But oh well.  The only thing I know is that I want to get out of here.  But to where, that's the real question.

I think Sonny might be coming over this coming weekend, so that'll be awesome.   Jessie and Peter and Dick and Jason might, too.  It'll be a party!

I'm ready to go home.  I've stayed two weeks straight here (the longest I've gone without being home)and I'm slowly going crazy and getting more and more depressed by the minute.  I mean, I have friends up here, but they're not my mom.  I just wanna go home...

Well, I'm going to go head back to my room and wait for my roommate to get back and ruin my alone time.  :( 

Have I mentioned I HATE IT HERE?

Well, I'm back in the dorms.  And I hate it already.

All the girls on my hall (with a few exceptions)are whores and I hate them.  And they're making all the noise in the world, so it's going to be impossible to sleep at all this semester, probably.

I've only been here a few hours and I hate them all....

Gah.

Good Googly-Woogly.  4 weeks since my last post?  How on Earth did that happen....

Oh well, another Holiday has come and gone and now we wait patiently for this year to take a bow and to welcome the new year.  Some with anxious applause and others with scowls and glares.  I find myself in the middle of these two crowds, neither super excited nor super annoyed by the coming of yet another year.  What with the bad economy and all the corrupt crap going on around the world, but there is also good things to hope for.  Hope for better times, more times with friends and family, and just more self-realization.  I've learned a lot about myself over this year, and I hope to discover more so that I will one day know what I want to do with my life.  I've already changed my majors three times in one semester, and I think I'm going to change it again.  But to what, I really don't know.  I do not want to be a teacher anymore, that much is certain.  But do I want to stay in math, or go back to Criminal Justice?  Or what?

Also, my current location may not stay the same for long.  I long to transfer to Kennesaw, the school where I should've always been.  I don't know why I let myself get talked out of the one school I wanted to go to so badly.  But, I'm pretty sure the move is unevitable, I just don't know when it will occur.

On a lighter note, my Christmas was pretty good.  I got an iPod shuffle(hot pink), and it's pretty freaking amazing.  I also got some cute socks and candy and books and Rose got Animal Crossing City Folk for the Wii, so we all play that and have fun with it.  :D  I bought myself, after Christmas, of course, Professor Layton and the Curious Village, cause I so want to play it.  I asked the guy at Wal-Mart where it was, cause I didn't see it, and he said, "I've never heard of that game in my life."  I just said oh and continued to look, and then when I look up at the monitor, they're advertising that game.  I was kinda aggravated that he didn't know that the place he worked at was advertising it, but we went to Target and I found it there. :D

 

New Year's Resolutions:  Lose Weight, Stop spending so much, Stop cussing as much, Save up for a good phone, Make good grades, Don't get distracted by Ping Pong, Be able to take my mom out to Red Lobster on her birthday.  Yup, that's pretty much it.  

Well, sorry for the LOOOOOONG period between posts, I'll try to stay more on top of that.  ^_^;;

Toodles!  <3

Directions:
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.

1.) Are you a male or female?
Miracle Elixir- Sweeney Todd Soundtrack (lol, wtf?)

2.) Describe yourself?
I'm Not That Girl- Wicked Soundtrack

3.) How do you feel about yourself?
Go To Sleep (Little Man Being Erased)- Radiohead

4.) Describe your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend:
Zombie- The Cranberries

5.) Describe your current partner.
What' The Frequency Kenneth- R.E.M.

6.) Describe your current location:
Your Eyes- RENT soundtrack (AWWWW)

7.) Describe what you want to be:
Cumbersome- Mary Eye Three

8) Describe your best friend:
Send In The Clowns- Cold

9.) Your favorite color is:
Moonlight- Suikoden Soundtrack

10.) You know that:
Tell Me Why- Cold

11.) Your motto is:
One Night Only- Dreamgirls Soundtrack

12.) What is the weather like?
Rivals- FFVIII Soundtrack

13.) If your life WERE [my correction] a television show, what would it be called?
Fuck A Merman- These Fuckers

14.) What is life to you?
The Pretender- Jackson Browne

15.) What is the best advice you have to give?
Storm- Gackt

16.) Describe your love life:
Anything For Love- Meatloaf (WHOA)

17.) What do you want to be when you grow up?
Addicted- Kelly Clarkson  (LOL)

18.) How are you going to die?
Love Letter- Gackt

19.) If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
The Fuse- Jackson Browne

20.) What do your friends think of you?
Angel Standing By- Jewel

21.) What is your life story?
Just Go- Staind

22.) What is your favorite hobby?
Collapse The Light Into The Earth- Porcupine Tree

23.) What is your funeral song going to be?
Brena- Perfect Circle

24.) What’s the worst that can happen?
Like Spinning Plates- Radiohead

25.) What do you regret?
I Am Mine- Pearl Jam

26.) What makes you smile?
Firelight- Snow Patrol

27.) What makes you laugh?
Talk - Coldplay

28.) What makes you cry?
She's A Handsome Woman - Panic! At The Disco

29.) What are you scared of?
The Spy - FFVIII Soundtrack

30.) What are you going to post this as?
Mad As Rabbits- Panic! At The Disco

Your eyes captivate me.  I just want to spend every waking moment staring into their deep, green depths.  They tell so much about you; give away your thoughts and feelings.  When you smile, they get soft around the edges, making me smile more.

Just being with you puts me in a weird trance where time never moves, but it passes by so quickly.  The two and a half hours in your car only felt like Thirty minutes.  I'm robbed of time by your spell, and it irritates me to no end.  But I'm grateful for every moment I have with you.  I never know when I'll be with you again.

If only this was not a horrible situation, I could be happy and make you happy, too.  If only circumstances were different, then I would no longer have to suffer as I do.  But it is, so I need to accept this and just be happy for what I get.

You said I don't complicate things, and I said I want to.  I felt terrible for admitting that, but you understood.  You said I don't make it easier on you cause you DO like me, but just not enough.  But that's only because you've made yourself pent up any more feelings you may develop for me.  If you would only let yourself see how well we would be, maybe you could at least give me a chance.  I do want to tempt you, to drive you as crazy as you drive me, no matter what.  I'm slowly getting to the point where I no longer care about the situation you're in.

I'm stubborn and resilient, and hard-headed and persistent and I don't like being told No.
So watch out, I'm coming for you.
You're perfect for me, and I've always been a perfectionist...

These are in no order whatsoever.

Jeff Buckley- 'Grace'
Moody Blues- 'Every Good Boy Deserves Favour'
Deadboy and the Elephantmen- 'If This Is Hell Then I'm Lucky'
Gackt- 'Moon'
Tool- 'AEnima'
U2- 'Joshua Tree'
Porcupine Tree- 'In Absentia'
Dax Riggs- 'We Sing of Only Blood or Love'
Staind- 'Break The Cycle"
Jesus Christ Superstar- 'Movie Soundtrack'

There's just so much going on right now.  I can't really get all my thoughts in order.   I know if's been a pretty long while since I've posted, and I'm sorry that I've somewhat abandoned this.  But my life is calm and yet hectic at the same time.  Sonny is going through some sort of weird funk in his life, and he won't really talk to me, or anyone, at the moment.  But it makes me sad and feel more distant from him.  But I know that because of this, when I do see him again, the feelings will come back ten-fold and I'll be left crippled on the floor, alone, again.  And I'm kind of scared of that.

Cause, though I don't really know if it's wise or not, I've found someone else to be infatuated with; Shouppe.(That's his last name.)  I asked him if we could hang out this weekend, since I'll be staying here till Thanksgiving break, and he has some kind of army messenger duty, but he said I could visit and maybe bring him some lunch from chow.  I was so scared to even send that first message.  But his reply seemed good, so maybe something will happen.

Me and Christy were eating, and he randomly came by and talked to me for a minute before he saw that I was guy-tarded and left.  :(  I never know what to say to guys.  It sucks.  But maybe Saturday I'll make him see that I can be intelligent around him.  I hope so.

School is becoming the worst thing in my life.  It's all just waaay too much.  Too many classes, too much homework, and too many papers.  So, I'm changing my major from Suicide-Enducing English to Math Education.  I love math.  Math is a calming item to me;  it's fun.  

Well, my spine is about to break, and I should probably get some sleep before breakfast tomorrow.
I GET PAID TOMORROW!!! 
I iz happy.

Well, I love you all.  
WOOOOOOT!!!

P.S. My mood is Ikuta Toma from Hana Kimi Japan! 
He's so adorable!!!

I miss the simpler times in life.  The times where life was easy and a little predictable.  No knowledge of heartache or betrayal.  Just innocence and a life devoid of worries.  In elementary school, all had to worry about was what was for lunch.  In middle school, that' when all this shit started.  Puberty hit, and my self-confidence got shot to shit.  All this stress of impressing and being cute and all that just really fucked me up.  I wish life were simple again.  I wish I knew nothing of this evil, evil world.  I wish I didn't know what heartache or jealousy was.

I miss being in high school.  Sure, there was endless drama, but it was sooo much easier.  Get up, go 20 minutes away from home for about 7 hours, go home, and then let mom take care of the rest.  Now, it's hard to depend on myself for anything cause I have no idea what I'm doing.

I wish to return to the easier times, if those even existed in my life.  It's all too hard and too depressing at the moment and I don't think I can take much more of this....

I'm slowly reverting back to my old self.  That's my biggest fear.  Get this demon out of me, please....

Why is it that I fall so quickly?  A quick, shy glance my way or a nodded 'good morning' is enough to get my heart skipping.  I don't like the feeling of not breathing.  But, even though he is the only one that can completely take my breath away, I've found something close to a substitute.  Someone that makes me smile and blush when I see him.  Someone that I think about when I'm bored.  Someone I kinda wanna be around all the time cause they're so fun.

We(not Sonny) had an argument about the two actors that played Dumbledore, and I think it made him kinda mad that I was so avid about disagreeing with him.  Or maybe he just wasn't expecting me to stand up for a fictional character's actor, lol.  He glances at me the same that I glance at him; frequently and briefly.  I want his hat.  He wants my necklace.  We talked of a trade, but decided against that in the end.

But, college isn't so bad.  I'm going to the gym more often and hanging out with the Anime club and stuff.   I play ping-pong at least an hour a day, and that always makes me happy.  :D  I won't be coming home this weekend, so that'll be different.  I've been home more than at school so far, probably.  But that makes me happy, so yeah.

I bought a game called My French Coach(DS), and it teaches you how to speak French in a fun, interactive way.  So, that will be here between the 25th and the 30th.  Hopefully it will make me study French more so that I won't fail and all that.  They have more installments so that when I go to French 2 next semester, I won't fail it either.  YAY!  I'm so excited about it.  And in my Sophomore year, I'll get the My Japanese Coach and become tri-lingual.  That's my goal; to speak three languages before I graduate.

I was re-reading my paper, and I got so pumped-up about it!!  I'm glad that my own writing excites me.

OMG!  I discovered the cutest show ever!  Hana Kimi!  The JDrama.  It's based on the manga, but the show is just tooooo adorable for words.  I stayed up till 2 a.m. watching it last night.  KAWAIIII!!!  It makes me smile at random times of the day.

Well, gotta get back to work.  I love and miss you all.
:D
<3333

So, my birthday was Sunday.  WOOT!  I'm 19 now, only two years away from officially being an adult.  And that fact kinda scares me...a lot.

But yeah, so, Thursday, me and my new college buddy Christy hit the road and went home, listening to Sunset Rubdown and The Distillers all the way home.  When we got there, we had to leave shortly after so we could go to Jason's show at the Elberton fair.  His music was super duper awesome.   He tried to get me to sing Nutshell with him, but I shook my head no profusely.  
We went back home and then went to bed.  I got the first season of Pushing Daisies!!  I was so excite!!  And I also got Labyrinth(with David Bowie) and a Bowie poster.  I also got a sign that says I Iz A Colegge studint' and a Calvin and Hobbes book.  I LOVE CALVIN AND HOBBES!!
My mommy got me an umbrella cause my other one SUCKS!  So, that was fun.

Friday, I was supposed to have a party with Sonny, Dick, Jason, Christy, Peter, and Lydia.  Well, Jason showed up for a minute to give me a Jeff Buckley tape(LOVE!) and Peter came at like 10:30 or so.  Sonny couldn't make it, so I cried about that for a few minutes.  I always get my hopes up way too much when it concerns him.  His reason for not coming was completely understandable; Lynn's car broke down, so she needed his to get to work and their Dryer broke, and he DOES live in Kennesaw, so that's a pretty long drive.  But yeah.

The party was alright, we just played The Game Of Things and Christy found out that we're all silently racist and all that.  LOL.  It's a long story....but we're not really racist, jsyk. :D

Saturday my mom cooked some sort of chicken alfredo stuff, and it was great.  And then me and Christy went to Denny's at like 11 and got back around 2 cause we went the wrong way and ended up in Buford somehow, lol.

And Sunday we left home at 2, so we could go to Marietta and get some things from her house and to meet her sister and brother-in-law.  They're awesome.  They bought us a meal at Chili's and I got free ice cream cause it was my b-day.  :D

So, my weekend was pretty busy, but yeah.  It was good.  I might not have any classes on Friday, and if so, I might be coming home again on Thursday evening.  I know, I know, I should be staying here and learning how to be on my own, but fuck that.  I told Christy I might be going home, and she got kinda mad and said, "You really need to stop doing that!"  I was like, Bitch Please.   I'll go home when I fucking feel like it, GAH!  I dunno....her family life and mine are completely different, so I can see why she thinks it weird that I wanna go home all the time.  But I can do what I want.  I'm sorry if she'll be bored, but dammit, I miss my family, like, all the time.  I can't help it.  I'm super duper close to them and I can't bear having to settle on only talking to them.
Plus, I suck at laundry, and mommy is really good at it.  She takes good care of me, and I love her more than life itself, so any chance I get to go home, I fucking take it.
She'll find something to do.  The new gym opened today, so she has that.
That gym is AWESOME by the way.  :D

Well, I probably need to get to bed.  I gotta get up at 6:30 and meet Christy at 7 for breakfast.  Yay.  Then I gotta work till like...FOREVAR!
So, goodnight all.  I loves you all!!

As I prepared to depart my room for math class, I had a hunch to bring my camera along.  But sadly, I didn't.
As I descended down the hill and into the cold sunlight, the sunrise over the mountains took my breath away.
The clouds were a pale pink and the sky was a pale blue, with rays of pale yellow streaking through them.  It was pale, but it was vibrant.  I stared at(not into, lol) the sun the whole way to class, probably with weird looks from passer-bys.
But how could anyone see THAT sunrise and not stare at it in awe?  They'd be sinning in a way.
It was just so beautiful. 
It's always beautiful here.  Sunset, particularly.  I love it here in the mornings/dusk.

But when the moon shines, I know that me and mommy are looking at the same moon, only miles away.  The moon reminds me of home, and the sun inspires me towards the future.

Wow.
I haven't posted in a week.  That's a pretty long time in college time.

So, Lydia came here to spend the night, and we played ping pong till like 3 a.m.  :D   That was fun.
But other than that, college is starting to become fun.  I've made more friends and the food is better.
Classes are going well and all that.  I got an A on my first ever college paper.   So I'm super happy about that.

:D

Well, I guess that's all.  No real news or anything, so yeah...

How is everyone else???
 

I don't really know what to write here.  I thought that once college started, I would have all these AMAZING stories to tell, but no.  I don't.  D:  Well, I don't really know if I'm sadenned by that or not, and I don't know if I spelled sadenned wrong, cause this school compy doesn't have spell-check for some UnGodly reason, but oh well.  I mean, if I had a lot of things to say, wouldn't that mean that my life was more hectic here than at high school?

So, I welcome the life of normalcy with open arms and such.  I guess.

But it does suck to eat alone everyday.  But today, Lindsay and Whitney showed up, so we ate together.  There's a Comedy Hypnotist tonight @ 7 in the gym, and I guess I'm going to go to that.  Maybe I'll meet someone awesome there?

[EDIT]  Not going to the Hypnotist.  Going to an Anime Lovers Club.  :D   EVEN BETTAR!!!